Self-portrait project

It is a good thing to know oneself.  That is part of what this project is about.  Over the last 11 years I have felt like I lost who I was.  I became a wife and a mother and I put my husband and his career first. I decided to be a bigger part of the children's lives than a career focused mom is able to.  I gave him the lead.  I have been wanting to get my masters degree and have not been supported in that.  When I wanted to start a photography business even though it seems like he was being supportive by getting me a camera, he wanted me to run the business the way he wanted and when I was on the computer working he would be upset because I wasn't paying attention to him.  If he didn't want me to do something I would come up with another idea for what I could do, his response to that was "add it to the list".   We have been separated for 3 years now and finally this February there is an order saying that our marriage relationship is dissolved.  In the midst of our divorce the two children that we had together were taken away from me because of things he has said and things I have said and done while trying to get help with our situation.  In this picture you should see a reflection of my grief.  Of my pain and heartache.  No mother should ever have the children she gives birth to ripped out of her care the way mine were.  No father should have that either.  

Beautiful baby boy

There is nothing that I know of that is more peaceful then a sleeping baby.  

Balloons

When I was at the grocery store having these balloons filled, a woman stopped and asked me if the balloons were for someone's birthday. I smiled and said no they were for something else, 'but don't balloons just make you smile?', I asked.  She agreed.

Please enjoy the happiness!

Your perfect wedding dress

First, my disclaimer......this blog is totally my opinion.  You have the right to agree or disagree.  Nothing written in this blog is meant to offend.

Close your eyes.  It's your wedding day.  You have spent the last months, year, or possibly years planning this day with your fiancé.  Everything is perfect.  The flowers are exactly what you want.  The venue is exactly how you dreamed.  The cake artist took your breath away.  Your photographer feels like your new BFF.  The invitations and save the dates are completely you.  In order for all this hard work to come together your dress has to be perfect too.  In your quest for the perfect dress did you ever wonder 'how revealing should my dress be?'
Criteria for the perfect dress includes but is not limited to: the cut to fit your body type, the material, the style, and is there color or only white.   This is the dress you will be wearing when everyone is looking at you while you walk down the aisle.   I know that I would want to feel attractive, like there is no other woman there that is more beautiful than me.  But is this accomplished by having a more revealing dress?
My thought is no.  Recently I posted a wedding dress style that had a bodice that was basically sheer. I also googled revealing wedding dresses just to see what came up.  It seems in order to make a wedding dress more attractive more skin is revealed....usually around the breast area.  These dresses though  (I am not calling the dress I posted to my Facebook page tasteless, it obviously isn't; the other ones I saw though...)  can come off as tasteless and distract from the reason there is a wedding in the first place.  And also as a woman why do I have to show my breasts to be considered attractive? Let's not become nuns or anything but isn't there times and places for those things....like the honeymoon....not the wedding ceremony.
Now this would be me...after I post this I discover that my perfect wedding dress has a deep V neckline.

Self-Portrait Project

This next self-portrait was done as a test shot for a photo shoot coming up.  I didn't want to post it before the photo shoot because I didn't want to give anything away.

I was told once I had squinty eyes.  I was also told I wasn't skinny but at least I didn't have a gut.  I have been told I have a big butt and that other parts of my body aren't attractive. In some people's opinion my nose is too big.   I have crooked teeth.  Everyone has something about themselves that does not meet the ideal.   The thing is confidence doesn't have to come from our outward appearances.  Our worth, our real worth, isn't from how beautiful our faces are or how in shape our bodies are.   Our real worth comes from something else; that something else for me is Christ.

Madelaine

Madelaine was perfect for this shoot with her dark hair and ivory skin.  The red lipstick just pops!  I have to say she is one gorgeous girl!  Beauty and intelligence all rolled into one.

#MakeItHappy

One of my favorite commercials during the Super Bowl was the #MakeItHappy commercials by Coca-Cola.   I absolutely loved all the positive messages that were promoted!  All the "Dad" commercials by Toyota and Nissan were so great!
When I was on Twitter yesterday, I saw someone's post that was a little pessimistic.  I just laughed to myself.  I hit the reply button and typed #MakeItHappy.  Then I erased it.  Then I dared myself to send the tweet anyway.  I thought okay this could be annoying, but I wanted to see what would happen if I replied with #MakeItHappy.   I pressed reply again.  I typed, "#MakeItHappy LOL". 
Did Coca-Cola send a 'happy' text?  I will have to check.

My 2015

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/503206958339971872/

That pretty much sums up what I'm hoping for in 2015.

January Photo Challege: Favorite Shot of 2014 by Rock the Shot

Sibling relationships are hilarious sometimes.  While hanging out with these kiddos I was able to capture one of my favorite photos of 2014.  I love how the photo captures the moment right before and the expression of the little boys face as he is waiting for that hand.   Always be ready to capture the moment.







http://www.rocktheshotforum.com/

Self-Portrait Project

My personal life during the last three years has been less than ideal.  Life is definitely not perfect.  Any potential brides reading this, just know the wedding is not the culmination of relationship bliss.  Life happens after the wedding.  
So for the last three years I have lived separated from my husband and have been going through a horrible divorce.  The two children we have have been drug through so much.   My self portrait project comes from a need to see myself, to share raw emotion.  All the depth that is inside me needs to come out in the open.  See me.   See me the artist.  See me the woman.  See me the mother.  See me.   See me the achiever.   See me the woman who wants to change the world.  See me the follower of Christ.  See me.